Stuck in the Loop

You replay it.

You obsess over it.

You rehearse what you’ll do if it happens again.

It feels like you’re working through it.

But really—you’re looping.

Tunnel vision narrows your world until the problem is all you can see.

Rumination convinces you that thinking more will fix it, when really, it’s fueling the pain.

And the more you try to think your way through it, the worse it gets.

The pain, the frustration, the overanalyzing—it starts feeding on itself.

You spiral.

You tense.

You shut down. Or push harder.

Either way, it drains you.

It’s exhausting.

SCIENCE INSIGHT

This isn’t just emotional. Something is happening in your brain that explains all of it.

When you’re in emotional pain or high stress, your brain lights up a region called the Default Mode Network—the part responsible for reflection, memory, and meaning-making.

When you’re calm, it helps you process, plan, and integrate.

But when you’re overwhelmed, it gets hijacked.

You don’t reflect—you repeat the pain.

Your nervous system goes into high alert, and your brain keeps spotlighting the problem—again and again—because it thinks that’s how to protect you.

But that’s not the whole story.

There are regions of your brain that can completely shift how you feel—even if nothing around you changes.

It’s not the situation itself, but which part of your brain is active that determines whether you feel stuck in suffering or grounded in peace.

• Your prefrontal cortex gives you access to clarity, empathy, and intentional decision-making.

• Your limbic system helps you understand and process emotion.

• Your insula and mirror neuron system let you feel intuitive signals, body cues, and emotional connection.

And those areas don’t activate from analyzing harder.

They switch on when you shift your state.

COACHING INSIGHT

This is the part most people miss:

These brain regions aren’t “nice to have.”

They’re essential to peace, hope, and growth.

But most people try to fix their life from inside the pain loop—when they’re still hurt, angry, anxious, or bracing for the worst.

They think they need more clarity.

But clarity doesn’t live in survival mode.

Trying to solve your life from that place is like looking for your keys in the dark with a flashlight pointed at your feet.

You don’t need more thinking.

You need a different signal.

When I coach, we don’t bypass the pain.

We shift the brain state we meet it from.

Because if your nervous system stays in threat mode, no amount of journaling or insight is going to move you forward.

And the shift we create?

It’s not mystical.

It’s mechanical.

It’s repeatable.

And it’s trainable.

REFLECTION PRACTICE

Want to shift your state?

Try the Reset Checklist to help you come back to center.

Download Reset Checklist