Confidence or control?

We often confuse power with performance.

We confuse external traits—being decisive, blunt, pushy, busy, high-functioning—with real confidence.

But most of the time, it’s not confidence. It’s control. Fear. Perfectionism.

Like we saw in the previous Science+ Coaching email, this usually shows up when we’re in survival mode.

That’s when we become ballbusters, demand our expectations be met, and keep pushing—making a lot of noise.

That’s us in motion again—overcompensating, performing—because we don’t know what grounded strength actually feels like.

We continue to value doing—always staying ahead, holding it together, never dropping the ball—even when, inside, we continue to doubt ourselves.

SCIENCE INSIGHT

Your brain wants motion more than meaning.

Your brain tries to regulate itself through action because dopamine isn’t just about pleasure—it’s about motivation. Even before you complete a task, your brain releases dopamine in anticipation.

So the urge to do something—anything—is often your brain chasing that reward loop, especially under stress. It creates a false sense of control.

This is called action bias—the brain’s tendency to default to doing, rather than pausing, reflecting, or feeling.

Why? Because uncertainty feels threatening.

Busyness gives the illusion of stability. And when you're under chronic stress or overwhelm, your prefrontal cortex (clarity, decision-making) goes offline. The brain shifts into the limbic system, where it prioritizes action, protection, and escape.

COACHING INSIGHT

Control isn’t confidence. It’s just noise.

In other words—your brain craves control when things feel out of control.

And action—doing, fixing, producing—feels safer than pausing to feel what’s actually going on inside.

So even if the motion isn’t helpful, it becomes a coping strategy. But it’s just noise.

That’s your nervous system regulating itself through action—and avoiding the truth underneath.

→ In survival mode, we move. We fix. We demand. We judge.Not from clarity—but from wiring. From old patterns on autopilot.

And real confidence is built in the moment you stop reacting and start choosing. Grounded decision making.

REFLECTION PRACTICE

Where are you performing strength?

At the end of the day, ask yourself:

• What decisions did I make today?

• Which ones felt like reflexes—and which came from clarity?

• Where was I trying to feel in control, instead of connected?

No need to change anything.Just track the pattern.

Noticing is the beginning of leadership.