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renatta tellez

Why You Freeze in Difficult Conversations (And How to Change That)

Updated: Mar 27




"My boss is in the room, and I just can't think straight!" As a coach for women, I hear this type of frustration all the time. Difficult conversations trigger strong emotions that can cloud our judgment and make us retreat. But it doesn't mean you lack capability – it means you need a stronger toolkit!

I'm passionate about empowering women, and today I'm sharing my tips to help you navigate challenging conversations with confidence and skill.


1. Set Boundaries (and Know How to Uphold Them)

What are you willing to accept, and what's a non-negotiable? Knowing your values lets you say things like:

  • "I'm happy to help, but my current workload is at capacity. Let's find a solution to make this work."

  • "I appreciate your input, but for this discussion, let's stay focused on [topic] to respect everyone's time."

2. Do Your Homework

Being prepared gives you power. Research the issue, understand different viewpoints, and anticipate objections. This builds confidence and makes your points stronger.


3. Ask Questions, Don't Object

Instead of reacting defensively, seek to understand. Ask clarifying questions like:

  • "Can you walk me through your thought process on this?"

  • "I'd like to better understand your concerns. Could you elaborate?"

This builds trust and helps you find better solutions.


4. Picture Yourself Succeeding

Top athletes use visualization to succeed – you can too! Picture yourself calmly navigating the conversation, speaking clearly, and reaching a positive outcome. This builds confidence in your own abilities.


5. You're an Equal – Act Like It!

Regardless of titles, your voice matters. Share your ideas assertively and respectfully, knowing your contributions are valuable.


Beyond Words: Body Language Matters

How you present yourself physically says a lot. In tough conversations, take note of your posture. Are you shrinking back or standing tall? Maintaining an open posture – shoulders back, making eye contact – projects confidence and helps you feel more in control.


The Inner Critic and Difficult Conversations

Before a crucial conversation, that little voice in your head might chime in: "You're going to mess this up," or "They won't take you seriously." Recognize that this is your inner critic, fueled by doubt. Counter those thoughts with affirmations: "I am prepared," "My perspective is valuable."


Reframe the Challenge

Let's ditch the word "difficult." Instead, see these as "growth conversations." They're chances to advocate for yourself, gain greater understanding, and create shifts. This mindset change alone can be incredibly powerful.


Cooldown and Allies

Even with the best preparation, tough conversations leave their mark. Simple practices like deep breathing or journaling afterward can help process emotions. And don't underestimate the power of allies! Identify those supportive people in your life who can offer a listening ear and help you practice for those challenging interactions.


Why This Works

These tips aren't just about the conversation at hand; they're about developing confidence that lasts. It takes practice, but soon you'll be the one steering those tough conversations towards the outcomes you want.


Let me know in the comments which of these tips resonates the most with you!

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